It’s a cruel world out there. You decide to save your marriage and improve your love life, and discover that your advances make things worse. You’ve heaped pressure upon yourself and find that you’re getting nowhere, a common tale unfortunately. Highlighted here are the major mistakes people make and how to avoid them.

1. Not choosing the right moment to make love

If your partner is clearly not in the mood for sex, through tiredness or stress for example, don’t try and convince them that sex is a good idea as it rarely works. There’s nothing worse than someone going on at you to have sex when you just want to go to sleep or laze in front of the TV, then getting angry because you rebuffed their attempts. Choosing the right moment is crucial.

Gentle attention erogenous zones during relaxed moments such as the neck, head and inner thighs for example could kick start things, and if you receive positive murmurs then you know you’re on the right track. Rush in too far too fast however and you’re likely to lose out.

2. A lack of communication.

You may long to introduce new, untried techniques to your relationship, but are too scared or embarrassed to mention it, fearing ridicule or shame. That’s natural but what’s good for the goose is often good for the gander and your partner may share the same desire.

Approach the subject in a mature, confident manner and ask your partner’s thoughts on the matter, and if there is anything they would like to try. Sharing ideas in this way is sure to throw up ideas that you both fancy giving a go. Put simply, if you don’t mention it, it isn’t going to happen.

3. Rushing into things

Bypassing foreplay and going straight into intercourse not only makes sex less satisfying, but shortens the whole sexual experience and renders orgasms less intense. Many people (mainly men) do rush sex but the slower you are and the more you ramp up the experience to the climax, the more fulfillingit will be for both parties.

Spending time on foreplay techniques such as kissing and touching will make your partner much more grateful and they are sure to rate the experience higher than a quick routine performance. Vary the pace and pull back to tease your partner and move onto another part of their body, revisiting hotspots shortly after. The slow-and–sure approach of foreplay may even see intercourse postponed until a later time if climaxes are reached. This can only lead to a better sex life, richer and more varied.

4. Getting stuck in a routine

Having sex with your partner through obligation or because it’s 7pm on a Wednesday night isn’t going to blow the socks off anyone. I’m sure we’ve all been there, but sex for the sake of sex is wrong and should be avoided. If you aren’t in the mood, don’t do it. It will only be unfulfilling and disappointing to both of you.

Try to surprise your partner by instigating sex at unlikely moments, whilst making dinner or when out for a walk. Avoid predictability and your partner will doubtless follow your lead and take you unawares from time to time. However, it is crucial vary the techniques as much as the timing as sex in exactly the same way but at different times of day will still become dull.

5. Attempting to make the woman climax through intercourse.

It’s worth explaining here that the vast majority of women do not climax through intercourse alone. That will be a relief to many men who will often feel inadequate if their ex-partner managed to frequently, but their new partner never does. Put simply, everyone’s sexual anatomy is different. Again, through communication and experimentation, you may find that touching during intercourse (or afterwards) results in the climax.

Also, don’t try to cimax at the same time as the rhythm built up will be shattered by two quivering bodies. One at a time equals a deeper, more intense and longer climax for both partners.