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Arsene Wenger's Spiritual Encounter
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Arsene Wenger\'s Spiritual Encounter

So, I slept at 3am this morning trying to restructure my article 'Act Like a Man, Think Like a Woman'. I was however, awakened from my sleep by a friend's message sent to my phone. Before I go into the details of his message, let me tell you a little bit about this friend of mine. We'll call him Kobie.

Kobie is a lawyer like myself but, he is also an unrepentant consumer of beer and a staunch/devoted fan of football and Inter Milan. He sometimes supports Arsenal when the 'spirit' of the Gunners falls on him but then, that's just about it. Now that we are done with that, let's move on to his message to me this morning which I found completely hilarious.

Kobie: "Err..., good morning to you. Just wanted to share a spiritual revelation with you my friend, as you are an ever devoted and consistent Arsenal fan. You, who wants to work for them for free, lol!" He continued-

"Wenger heard from the Lord, " Look, I hear your complaints and listened to your constant prayers and supplication. Certainly, I have seen the actions of Chelsea, Manchester United, Manchester City and Tottenham, yes, all of it! All of them who so fleetingly show off their wealth and taunt you, my people, in the face with their fat, robust bank accounts and transfer budgets! Oh! my dearest Arsenal, my ever faithful Gunners!

I see that Manchester City have trusted in riches, yes! In the wealth of men from the oil rich nations of the Middle-East, yet, I will allow them this season. I have also seen how Manchester United so relied on the tactical genius - Alex Ferguson a.k.a Fergy, I will allow them for this Premiership campaign.

On the other hand! The sins of Chelsea and Tottenham are past forgiving! I can bear them no more, neither can I take in such premiership iniquity! Chelsea have made idols of their old players, the players who have decided to sit tight and grow fat on obscene weekly wages. These old players have not allowed the young players like Romelu Lukaku to prosper... I declare that the Europa League is their due, their punishment!

But, Tottenham have vexed and angered me the most! They have made proud boasts of their skills and the pace and speed of their wingers, yes! Lennon, Bale, Parker and the bunch. They, Tottenham have taunted their better rivals and kicked them as they lay on the floor as if they did not know that Fabregas had returned to the land of his birth (Barcelona, Spain) and Samir Nasri to the land of milk and honey(Manchester City). For this great sin, I have sent mighty angels to seal up every goal post outside their home ground on which they are billed to play. Gareth Bale will shoot in vain and Aaron Lennon will sprint for nothing! I will send confusion in the midst of their mid-field, even their defence will leak goals into their own nets."

And Arsenal's guardian angel cried out! " Lord your sky is red with the canon logo of your people, have mercy on them, mercy on Arsenal." And the Almighty Lord replied, "I will show mercy to who I decide to. For their steadfastness in prayer, I will satisfy the Gunners, I will satisfy Arsenal with a place in the Champions League!"

And Arsene Wenger was satisfied.

PS: This article was written in with a leaning on Old Testament Bible Language; and I think a lot of people use that so there were problems with the original version I put up looking like duplicate content. For the proper unadulterated extract, tune in to Mister Spruce's page on the 5th of April.


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  about 9 years ago
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