I’m old and senile and completely befuddled by some things like not getting a

Form 1099 Misc to my wife’s care-giver. This form must be filed early in the year, which date has passed and I’m probably going to go to jail.

My wife’s care was paid in part by our long-term care insurance company. I had to pay the first 100 days as deductible. So I made all the payments and reported all this to the IRS on our joint Form 1040.

I was happy until Georgia, our care-giver, said she did not get a Form 1099 Misc. The insurance company took all the information on her Independent Contractor status and I expected them to give her the form. Well, they did not. It seems they do send out such forms, but not if I pay Georgia directly, which I do. If they were cutting Georgia’s checks, there would be no problem except for last year.

So, I have been exasperated trying to get a 1099 Misc form for Georgia. I tried my tax program, the site of my tax software company, and such. I tried filling out forms online and learned that I needed an EIN for my wife, Patricia. I filled out an Independent Contractor form a block long to help get the EIN which form my computer somehow dumped. I finally tried again for an EIN without filling out all the Independent Contractor crap and BOOM, up it popped.

That good old IRS.

So, now I had the EIN and tried for the 1099 Misc. I filled out the form, and when I clicked to bring up the form, a message said something about outer space. I could not print a form on the computer, probably because it was past the employer drop dead date.

I was not going to pay for a 1099 Misc.

I was not going to buy software to get one.

I knew there was special red type on the form which the IRS needs to read the form. I thought that I had to have a typewriter to fill out the form.

Let’s see, who on this green earth has a typewriter? I would have to send the form off to Cambodia where I’ve heard there is a guy in a grass hut there who has a typewriter left by Hanoi warriors who does nothing at all except fill out 1099 Misc forms.

I decided to go to the the IRS and download a 1099 Misc.

Not possible, I soon learned.

In utter desperation, I called the IRS. The computer answered. I had to talk to someone to get a form. I said, “TWO” and waited.

After some time, a lad living in the Central Valley in the California came on. We joked about typewriters, the red stuff on the forms, and the weather.

What a nice guy.

I didn’t have to worry about the red stuff. It was on the forms. I didn’t need a typewriter. He took my address and is mailing me forms for last year and nest. He gave me a number to call to keep me out of jail too.

I would expect nothing less from the IRS.

This is a true story, if I’m remembering it correctly:

In 1957 the University of Utah gave me a diploma and said, “Get the heck out of here! Who takes five (5) years for a B.S. degree?”

I tried to explain that it was due to changing majors three times, but I still go the boot.

I took the nearest of eight (8) job offers because I didn’t have enough money to get to the Midwest or the East. That job was in Golden Colorado. I was to be a research engineer developing new materials weapon systems and such.

I sold my car to a relative for $100.00 and bought tickets for me, my wife and young son, on the Denver and Rio Grande Railroad for Denver. My new boss picked us up at the train depot.

My boss rented a house for us and put some food in the kitchen.

After one week, I was given a pay check to keep us eating. I had one dollar and thirty-nine cents in my pocket and the son of the local Chevrolet dealer took that as down payment on a 1939 Chevy convertible which would go up Lookout Mountain, where Buffalo Bills is buried, in high gear.

We were in heaven!

In January, 1958, it became tax time. I never had to pay taxes. I always got a refund. But to my amazement, I owed the IRS $300.00.

Wow!

No way I could dig up that kind of loot.

And now I will tell you why I love the IRS:

I filed my return and included a check for $50.00. I told them that I would be sending them that amount each month until it was paid off in full.

It wasn’t long before I got a letter from the IRS. It said that the IRS had no way of handling monthly payments and to remit the amount I owed immediately. The letter was signed and the guy sounded serious.

I sent another $50.

I next got a letter from the IRS saying that they had no way to handle a monthly payment but this time they said they would be taking my furniture, my car, and probably my wife and kid.

Well, maybe it didn’t mention the wife and our son.

I wrote back and I said that included was another check for $50.00 and that actually the IRS had found a solution to the problem. Someone in the IRS, I imagined a sweet gray-haired old lady, had figured out how to handle my checks and they were now set up to handle monthly payments. I told him the IRS was welcome to the junk we called furniture.

I heard nothing at all until the last check was due. I figured that the fellow who had been writing to me knew exactly what I was going to do and held off on the letter writing. But the letter came and it said I was going to jail for sure.

I wrote back and told him that I was very grateful to the IRS for understanding my situation and accepting my check each month. I included the last check.

In my head, I could hear the guys at the IRS laughing.

So now when I run Old Glory up the flagpole in my front yard, I solute our friends at the IRS who are always there to help us with our problems. If more people would contact them with their problems, before they get in over their heads, they would be able to conquer their problems too.

John

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