With summertime rapidly approaching, it is that time of the year when I look forward to storing my coat and sweater, and airing out the bathing suit. This is my favorite time of the year for a multitude of reasons. One being, I do not have to worry about my car sliding down the highway as if it was during an ice dance. Man, that is a dangerous scene, you have no control. Of course, if you do not live in a snowy area, consider yourself blessed.

Albeit summer is my favorite time of the year, I find myself a little tepid this year. I will get to that a little later.

The grand kids have already called to ensure I have all the necessary fishing accessories. They have also provided an itinerary of all the things they want to do. During night hours, we often view the stars, moon, etc. via our telescope. My grandson always want me to tell him some horror story, and more often than not, when the story is completed, he will say, granddaddy that wasn't even funny. The funniest part of the story for me is when he says, granddaddy that wasn't funny. Of course, I try again, and encounter the same results. The hot dogs and hamburgers always taste better when the grand kids are visiting. All in all, just a wonder time of the year.

Getting back to my earlier comment about my tepidness. During the winter, I gained a few pounds, and must come up with a plausible explanation. Of course, I could tell the truth, but that would not be a plausible explanation about weight gain.

I am tempted to pursue the enlarged gland route (before I go any further, I will say this is not an attempt to mock or make fun of anyone who may be weight challenged, this is for satire purposes only). However, that one has long been debunked. I could blame the weight gain on medication. No, that would not work, because I have been taking the medicine for years.

I know, I will blame it on the wife for refusing to prepare wholesome meals. No, that would cause world war III. During crucial times of this nature, I can never blame myself for my many shortcomings. Why would I knowingly do this thing to myself? Everyone can clearly recognize and identify with the fact that all I had to do was push myself from the table. I consider myself intelligent enough to do that, but for some unknown reason, I did not do that. I think I know why I didn't push myself away. I was either possessed by some evil curse, or my wife must have put a get fat pill in my meals. If the wife inserted a get fat pill, I would gain weight, thereby discouraging the attention from other women. I will not allow this to happen next year, because I am shifting to a high alert mode. Shame on her.

If my wife didn't do this to me, the culprit is in serious trouble. Since the grand kids will be visiting this summer, I cannot devote my full time and attention to find the culprit. Lucky for him or her, the stars must be shining in their favor. Just wait until next year, if the same scenario plays out, I am going to personally pay someone to find the culprit.